Interview With A Blog Post About Attending Mars Hill

Last week when Salon came to town to check in on the Ballard megachurch Mars Hill there was a lot of commenting here and elsewhere, both condemning the church and inviting non-believers to attend a service. The proprietress at the local Electrolicious blog took them up on it and went to Mars Hill this Sunday, and today Seattlest sits down with the resulting post for a chat.

So, what first got you excited about attending a Mars Hill service?

I'd heard rumors of the church's conservatism, but reading the article gave me chills. I had no idea it was so anti-feminist.

Mortified by the article, two girlfriends and I discussed going to check out the church. We wanted to explore how such a conservative church is able to gain such a foothold (5000 people!) in a liberal, egalitarian city like Seattle. Without giving ourselves a chance to chicken out, Ariel (my evil twin), Dawn and I decided we would go this last weekend. To the 7pm Sunday service! No backing out.

What's the place look like?

It felt like a big theater or club. Super stylish lighting hung from the ceiling. A half-dozen enormous flat panel monitors were suspended all over the place. The coloring was impeccably stylish and well-designed. I tried to put my finger one what I was being reminded of … the brushed stainless steel san-serif signs, the matching soap dispensers … what is it? Wait a minute. Holy fuck, the church reminded me of a dotcom! Dare I say, a Godcom? This church, after all, has podcasts and a blogging pastor. It is totally tech-savvy and totally moderne. It felt like Amazon crossed with a nightclub, but with a big stylized cross on the wall.

Aw yeah - Now, what are you wearing? Were you wearing, sorry, what were you wearing?

Ariel and I dressed demurely, in inadvertently-matching conservative brown skirts and boots. Dawn, meanwhile, decided to celebrate the fact that she spent 15 years as a deeply dedicated born-again Christian, and she pulled out all the stops and wore a black miniskirt, thigh-high black stockings, and black platform boots. It was deliciously scandalous.

Wow, Dawn sounds sexy and ripe for conversion! What was her take?

Her summary? The sermon was basically the same old shit, but the church and the packaging was unlike anything she'd ever seen. She also stared down one of the hot young men who was holding the wine for communion. Ha!

Hahaha, yeah. Mars Hill seems to be all about repopulating the city with their spawn - Was it an environment conducive to that? Meaning, was it sexy?

The topics addressed in the sermon were: 1. Speaking in tongues 2. Prophesies 3. Women in church. And basically the summary was: 1. Only a one person at a time should speak in tongues, someone should translate, and never more than two or three tonguers total. 2. Prophesies should be made carefully so that nut-jobs don't make everyone else look stupid. 3. Women shouldn't speak in church and if they behave poorly their husbands are accountable.

This was where it got deeply weird. The pastor read from the bible, and then explained that it didn't mean God-fearing women shouldn't speak — really, the passage only applied to "feminist women with an agenda." He went on for quite some time about how awful feminism is — it's not worth recounting, other than the part where he said "Women say they want to be treated like men, but then when we actually treat them like men they cry." Everyone laughed. It was awful.

Hot!

He went on to talk about how wives should relate to their husbands. He made some weird allusions to theology and sex, basically saying that if a woman has a question about the bible, she should ask her husband for answers, and husbands: you better know your bible cuz otherwise your wife is going to go elsewhere to get her theological satisfaction from someone else, and you don't want that! He also mentioned "theological foreplay," which included talking about the bible in bed with his wife and kissing her on the forehead. It was really bizarre. He briefly mentioned his critics, and said he didn't have time to argue with them because "I'm too busy loving my wife."

If you didn't wear the tinfoil hat you'd probably be converted right now!

No tinfoil hat necessary — the pastor's terrifyingly literal interpretation of the bible was all the deterrence I need. I'm really glad I went, however. I think it's too easy to just dismiss someone without witnessing what they're doing first-hand. And I did gain some insight into why Seattleites are flocking to this church. It's a stylish place with a compelling leader who confidently offers his guidance. If you were young and hungry for some structure and a place to belong, Mars Hill would be deeply, dangerously seductive.