You Better Have A Damn Good Explanation For Buying This High School Hottub

Garfield High alumni and Garfield High wannabe allumni, you can now die in peace and have your cremated body spread throughout the hallowed halls. Castaways from the school are available for purchase at the RE-Store and while it may look like junk to the average Seattle transplant you can no doubt recognize it as pure gold.

First there's the 217-drawer fir filing cabinet from Garfield. This would actually rock in Seattlest's office. Since every Seattlest post is composed on a Smith Corona typewriter and then transcribed to the series of tubes by a team of interns, this cabinet could hold the better part of a year's worth of posts for those few occasions when we have to refer to something that's been said in the past. Unfortunately for us, they cost $3,000 and Seattlest is broke. We didn't go to Garfield, though. Certainly if you did, you have three grand laying around somewhere.

Picture this: You buy these purple Garfield lockers and set them up just like you had yours when you were in school, complete with your original combination (10-33-37). Remember that girl a few lockers down that never noticed you? You hire someone to drop scented and creatively folded love notes in your locker from time to time and all the validation you never got in school can be yours. Do you like her? yes___ no___? maybe___? Since you're actually buying a bank of lockers, you can then craft the reply that was just out of your grasp in high school and slip it into one of the ajoining compartments. Or, some asshole could swipe it out of your hand before you got it in there and start reading it out loud. And then push you into the girls' bathroom. Keep it real.

This last item is the one you've been waiting for and we're not going to try a description of what you can do with it or where it's been. It's the Vibra-Whirl soaking tub straight from the Garfield locker room. Only $600.