Random Email Confession: "I call Seattle Parking Enforcement"

We're not sure exactly what this guy's motivation is for sending us an email about his parking vigilantism, but we're definitely open to emails that are apropos of nothing. This guy and his stealth army of sleeper parking enforcement cells are going to get busier and busier as "density" happens to Seattle without any attendant infrastructure. Every time two houses are torn down like they recently were in Seattlest's backyard and a condo or apartment building is erected, parking pressure is increased on the street. We're not hijacking this guy's rant and slipping in an anti-condo angle. Seattlest is all for density in the inner neighborhoods and we realize that no one's going to start building one-bedrooms with two underground parking spots so we'll shut up now, about three sentences too late.

Anyway, on to the shocking confession:

If your car has ever been towed for being parked too long, not having current registration tabs, or from having too many parking tickets (the city of Seattle has an ordinance which allows cars with more than 3 tickets to be towed), I may be responsible.
After dinner, for exercise and revenge, I walk around my neighborhood and other neighborhoods I happen to be in that evening or day and arrange for illegally parked or improperly licensed cars to be towed away.

I didn't originally plan to report these cars like some comrade party member, but after walking a friend to their car a block away and getting drenched one evening, I decided enough was enough. I have civil rights, too--like parking in front of or near my residence.

So every night, I look for cars which have expired plates, an unusual amount of debris under the wheels or on the windshield, hood, or trunk, which have been parked in the same place for over two weeks, are blocking the sidewalk (a problem if you are in a wheelchair or mobility chair as I sometimes am), or are parked too close to the driveway of their neighbors.

Then I call Seattle Parking Enforcement at (206) 684-8763, go online at https://www.seattle.gov/police/forms/Abandoned_Vehicles.htm or via email at spd.abandoned@seattle.gov and lovingly report these homeless, frequently unwashed vehicles. The city likes me to provide the color, make, model, license plate number and state, exact location or block, and how long the space-hogging vehicle has been parked (two weeks or longer is preferred; one week is okay).
After a few days, white tickets and orange stickers appear on windshields appear on windshields like poppies, telling inconsiderate vehicle owners to move their vehicles or be towed. And the city isn't kidding.

Yesterday, I observed two fine old (suitable for living in) vehicles getting towed to be recycled or sold at an auction, where bargain hunters can resell it to some schmuck who will probably get it towed for over-parking it.

I help create jobs for parking enforcement officers, attorneys, taxi companies and mass transit (if you don't have your car, you have to get around somehow, right?), tow truck operators, auctioneers, and used car dealers. I restore available neighborhood parking spaces so car owners like myself can park (and responsibly move our cars every 72 hours as required by city ordinance). Tourists, employees, and visitors can now find a parking spot when patronizing and supporting our neighborhood businesses against companies like Sprawl-Mart.

Now after reporting more than 52 abandoned vehicles, about four full city blocks, my friend and I can safely park in front of my home. Join me in patrolling our neighborhoods and liberating our parking spaces!

This guy lives in Phinney.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@seattlest.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Dan in Miscellaneous on July 11, 2006 2:35 PM

Comments [rss]

roberto jose delarosa

I had the unfortunate misfortune of dealing with Keith G. Total fruitcake...avoid at all costs...

rudie

that's it, i'm j.b. welding bricks across all wheelchair ramps in the phinney ridge area.. this kinda of obsession with parking is just the piddlyasssed trite bullshit we need FAR less of. why don't you go out walking and pick up trash, or sweep sidewalks, or go to aurora and report gang bangers and pimps and hookers and crackheads. or maybe you don't care about those things. i know, i know, having a parking spot DIRECTLY in front of your house is SO damned important. you know, maybe you should move out of the CITY, fuckhole.

Mike

Wow... google "Keith Gormezano" and "Seattle" and you get quite the detailed picture of a total jackass.

Keith Gormezano

I happen to be the person who posted this alleged confession and gave this web site permision to publish my name. I am puzzled why they didn't.

Let's review a few facts:

First, as I clearly said in my "confession", I don't report vehicles unless they have been parked for a very long time (two weeks) or have expired tabs (I also give a month's grace period in case someone doesn't pass emmissions as that has happened to me.)

It isn't that difficult to move your vehicle once a week or so. And if you pay any parking tickets or arrange for community service when you get them, then you don't have to worry about waking up one morning and finding your vehicle gone.

Second, I don't leave notes. I find it ineffective.

Third, it takes Parking Enforcement two weeks to respond to my calls so if you have moved your vehicle by that time and/or renewed your tabs, you're safe.

Fourth, I don't need to go to Columbia City. Dave can report the cars himself. That goes for anyone else who thinks they have a parking problem in their neighborhood. However, the next time I will be having dinner in the area, I would be happy to go out with Dave on his patrols.

Fifth, I lived out of my vehicle for several months in 1993 and 1995, hence, my "cents" of humor on the issue.

Sixth, when you're driving a vehicle with disabled plates, you generally need to be able to find street parking near where you are going. Some disabled people can't park more than 50 years from where they are going. Being faced with the choice of having to park two blocks away means going home instead. Selfish people who treat our neighborhoods as their own private parking lot violate the rights of disabled people.

If you own a car, be responsible. That is all that I am asking.

Seth

Damn motorcycles.

T0ny

As long as we're all about upholding the virtues of city ordinances, let's all try to follow this one:

No hogs shall be permitted to run at large within the City of Seattle at any time, and if found running at large it is made the duty of the City Marshal to impound each and every such swine, in a common pound prepared by said Marshal for such purpose; whence they shall not be released until the owner or some other person shall pay to the City Marshal the sum of one dollar for his fee in receiving and discharging or selling each and every swine so impounded, and the sum of fifty cents for the proper sustenance of every such animal for every twenty-four hours the same shall be kept, and such owner shall be subject to a penalty of two dollars for every such animal found running at large; and it shall be the duty of said Marshal, when he shall have impounded any such animal, to give forty-eight hours notice of the sale of said swine, by posing notices in two public places; and if the owner fails to redeem said swine, the same shall be sold at Public Vendue, and the proceeds used to defray the expenses of said sale, and the overplus, if any, to be paid into the City Treasury.

Tony

I live on Phinney, and I don't consider a street parking spot in front of my house to be proprietary. We also don't appear have a huge abandoned-car problem in the neighborhood -- the Green Lake area isn't exactly Compton.

I'd hate to see our local law-enforcement officals bogged down with superfluous requests of this sort ... the next thing we know, SPD's "Report a Derelict Car" service will be a thing of the past. "Liberation" my black ass.

And I'd like this yahoo's e-mail address.

cspot

From the original post: "I look for cars which have expired plates, an unusual amount of debris under the wheels or on the windshield, hood, or trunk, which have been parked in the same place for over two weeks..." You're the one comparing your 3-day nastygram to this guys's actions. And my post was comparing our neighborhood's problem to the original post's issues, not yours. My comment directly to you was more about whether or not you needed to own a car.

Mike Attebery

You're comparing not driving my car for three days to owning one of twelve cars, filling many of them with parts, and throwing spare parts into the bushes?

I hope this guy does go down to your neck of the woods. A couple of strolls around columbia city with his bifocals on the prowl and the folks down there will pin him with something... a railroad spike.

As for Dave, it was MY neighborhood!

cspot

I'd pin a medal on this guy if he came down into our neighborhood (columbia city) to perform the same service. We have tons of abandoned vehicles or guys who have a dozen fixer uppers that they long term park on our street and dump used car parts into the bushes.

Maybe Mike should get rid of his car and join flexcar if he's always on the bus.

Dave

I agree, Mike. People who care about their neighborhoods fucking suck. I hate them.

MIke

Also, what is this guy proud about? Does he think he towed some homeless peoples' cars? Does he think people should live in cars? His little parenthetical comment in the third to last paragraph shows just what an impotent little prick this guy is. Heres hoping his motorized cart's battery runs down the next time he's hauling his wrinkly old ass away from the scene of his latest chicken scratch note.

Mike

Oh, this f%&*ing cockmonkey! Yeah, this old guy is providing a hell of a service. I drive a perfectly decent looking 97 Honda Civic, which I frequently leave parked on the street in front of my apartment building in Greenwood. This past winter, when we were having our 29 day stretch of rain, and since I frequently ride the good ole bus 48 to and from work, I failed to move my car at exactly 72 hours sharp. When I did go to my car, I found a note in chicken scratch old person writing saying "PLEASE!!!!! Move car after 72 hours or you will be towed. It's the LAW!!!!" This was in in my own damn neighborhood. This old timer is pathetic. I hope some other folks in Seattle get behind me on this one. What a pathetic soul. Yeah, its the law, so are a lot of other byzantine things, it doesn't mean they're worth enforcing or playing "citizen cop" about. I'm sure the people working for the city really love going out to deal with this pest's complaints every day.

kk

by definition owning a car is irresponsible. unless you need one. not the way most americans think convenience = need, but actually NEED one. very few of us do. so i find this whole thing silly.

end of rant.