Stalk of the Town

It's Mother's Day weekend. Some people say we should remember our mothers all year-round, not just on a single day. But we do! With yo momma jokes! Seattlest contributors share their favorites, along with their plans for enforced family togetherness.

Don always thinks of Norman Bates on Mother's Day. But that aside, when the mother in his home is not out siphoning the neighbor's gas tanks, she wants to bond with Mothers Earth and Nature. So he's off to the Washington Park Arboretum here this weekend for verdant splendor--full lush blossoms and oozing sap! The Mid-May Plant Sale is on Saturday, May 13, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., and on Sunday, May 14, from noon to 4 p.m., families caught strolling the colorful Azalea Way get a free family mug shot (limited to the first 100). Oh, mother will be pleased. Also, free copies of the new Arbor Kids Activity Booklet will be available at the Graham Visitors Center. I think Henny Youngman said "Yo momma got a mud pack. She looked great for three days, then the mud fell off."

Matt will divide Saturday night between the new art show at Cafe Racer, which will hopefully feature some deranged new work by this weirdo, and the Mars Bar featuring mooncalf, Adam Gnade and mu meson. Expertise on "yo momma" type jokes must defer to the great Ivan Brunetti, but then there is also this Happy Mothers Day video that also warms the heart.

Saturday MvB is heading to West Seattle a week too early to catch their Cupcake Royale Grand Opening. Sunday he's venturing off to the wilds of Olympia for Mother's Day. Because his mother is a tiny little Irish woman, his preferred way to make fun of her is to pretend she sounds like the Monty Python Pepperpots.

Margaret will be eating cheese 'til it comes out her ears this Saturday, and will follow that up with some bowling. Sunday, she'll be celebrating Mother's Day with some last-minute Mother's Day shopping and dinner with her very own mom. She has this to say about YOUR mom: "Ya mom is so fat! (How fat is she?) We drove into the drive-in and she didn't have to pay because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet." Further, "Ya mama's got an afro with a chin strap."

Tonight, Seth will enjoy an out-of-market baseball game, then probably suffer through the Mariners/Angels 4th place showdown. Saturday it's a photography show at 20Twenty in Ballard, and then to Kozue for sushi. Sunday, brunch with his mother, and her mother. It can be said of neither of them that when they sit around the house, they sit around the house.

James is going to introduce his daughter to urban contemporary art and a bunch of cheese she's not yet old enough to eat. And for the third weekend in a row, he's going to try to see that grownups-only movie that just hit the Metro. And for his money, no one has brought the yo momma joke closer to perfection than Katie Pearce, with "Yo mama so ugly...she weeps wet, salty tears every time she glimpses herself in the mirror, thinking to herself, 'No one will ever love me.'"

Courtney is going to Vancouver, B.C. for the weekend, to help out at the Dirt Series, a technical mountain bike camp for women. She'll be riding on trails like this, and hopes to return in one piece.

What's the point of enjoying television if they are just going to cancel all of your favorite shows? David S.'s weekend will be a death march towards Sunday night's West Wing's series finale. Sure he will see friends, go out, and give his mom flowers, but his heart won't be in it. Maybe he'll try and cheer himself up by letting some poor sucker know that their mother is so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

This is a busy weekend for Audrey. Tonight, she'll find out What is Sexy? at the Washington Ensemble Theatre. Tomorrow promises to be great, with the Cheese Festival during the day and up-and-comers Mute Math at the Croc that night. Sunday will involve commencementating at Benaroya, followed by the ingestion of some Mexican(s). She enjoys any Yo Momma joke not delivered by Wilmer Valderrama.

Deborah will be continuing her domestic pursuits by purchasing the wallpaper she and her husband found at Daly's for the baby's room and reading up on just how to apply the stuff. Favorite yo momma joke: Yo momma's ass so big when she stands up she gets shorter.

Dan is kicking back after work today with some baseball courtesy of the Chicago White Sox. On TV. Fascinating activity, he knows, this being Seattle and all. He's also a big fan of Jaws which he has an opportunity to see in an actual theater for the first time, for the likely last time. The rest depends on the weather. Will he read a book on the couch or on the porch...

Jack and his wife are celebrating their 1st wedding anniversary (and the girls go "aaaaaahhh....") this weekend, so they're heading south to a B&B overlooking the Columbia River Estuary. Sunday, he'll drive back to Seattle, undoubtedly nursing a wine-induced hangover, so he can take his mom out for some chow. Oh, and yo mama so dumb she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Speaking of which, Boyz II Men will get into the Paramount's panties June 3rd. Motown-Philly back again.