Stalk of the Town

It's rained--hard--five out of the last six weekends. And after a week of beautiful weather, it's supposed to cloud over Saturday and rain Sunday. Along with the byplay of their weekend, the Seattlests answer the question "Why does God hate Seattle?"

James is by no means a stereotypical NPR liberal. No, he's a stereotypical PRI liberal, and he's flaunting that on Saturday night at the Julia Sweeney/Ira Glass conversation at the Paramount. He's also going to drive around town in his new car, using his new windshield wipers and celebrating the fertile, life-giving sky liquid that was a major reason he moved to this city. If there is a God, and it rains this weekend, we're dancing in His tears of joy.

Amy will be heading up to Canadaland for the Vancouver International Marathon Sunday, in order to test her theory that 26.2 miles does not seem so far when converted to metric. God must hate her, too, why else would He give her the idea to do this?

Fie on the weather forecasts, says Ronald, who's off to heed the chanting witches and bubbling cauldron at McCaw Hall. Their prediction: Macbeth will fall when attacked by the Fun Forest, er, Burnham Wood. Lust, power, greed, murder: can you think of a better way to spend a rainy Sunday? And surely Lady Macbeth's famous aria about una macchia ("out, damned spot") has something to do with the macchiato at Starbucks.

Matt will probably check out what all the local comic shops have in store for the National holiday known as Free Comic Book Day on Saturday, and then later The Sounds, Morningwood and Action Action at El Corazon Saturday night.
If its true that God hates Seattle, its probably because he's SCARED of all our Vampyre Batssss!

In a move destined to make the history books as one of her most hypocritical actions ever, perpetual Tom Cruise loather Gina will be lining up with the masses to catch the earliest possible screening of Mission: Impossible III. The heart wants what it wants. As such, she would be more than prepared to accept the full responsibility of God's continuing smiting-by-weather of our otherwise fair city were it not for the fact that her ongoing hypocrisy prevents it. Buck--consider yourself passed.

Audrey postulates that God hates us for the same reason that Alan Keyes hates us: Because we're selfish hedonists. She will spend her weekend in typical hedonistic fashion, eating sushi, catching up on Lost, going shopping, and taking in some live music.

Friday night Michael vB heads off to the wilds of the UW Campus (via the #43, naturally) for that Mark Morris thing where they'll be all hoppin' and jumpin' around and carryin' on and we don't know what all else. Saturday it's opening night of the "Scottish opera" at McCaw Hall. Sunday, thanks in part to weekday traffic pollution and urban heat sink effects on local weekend weather patterns he may pretend to be the Emperor of Atlantis.

Margaret will be spending tomorrow in the company of her bed, her friends, some raw fish and her debit card. Tomorrow night, she's headed to the opera for a musical Macbeth. Sunday, she'll be singing in a concert for the winners of the Pacific Arts Festival of the Eastside, and hopefully collecting a check. We'll see about that. As to the question of whether or not God hates Seattle (because it's nice during the week and rainy on the weekends), it doesn't really matter to her -- as long as God doesn't hate Boulder, CO.

Tonight Dan's supposed to go to a friend's new bar/restaurant where the Sit n' Spin once was, see Destroyer at the Crocodile, and beat a Saturday morning deadline. Something's gotta give. Tomorrow there's no way he's missing the opening day boat dealy in the morning, and he'll be having a grand ole time with his fiance's co-workers at a BBQ later. If it rains Saturday evening, Dan won't take it as a sign that God hates Seattle.

Missing the pageantry of high-school sports since basketball season ended, Seth will go to a Kingco League soccer playoff game this evening at Memorial Stadium with about 15,000 empty seats. Saturday he may try to be Awesome, but he's definitely watching Game 7 of the epic Lakers/Suns series. And Sunday, he's going to the Mariners game, for yet more evidence that God hates Seattle. Why? Probably because we sent this waste of space to the Senate.

Donte doesn't care about the weather (although the last few days have been great); between No Pants Day and Cinco de Mayo celebrations tonight, followed Free Comic Book Day and the Rainer Maria and DJ Assault shows Saturday, Donte's mood will be filled with sunshine whether the sky is or not.

David S. will ring in the weekend with the "Awesome" show and an awesome Cinco de Mayo idea. Saturday morning will find him at some rich dude's house on the banks of the Montlake Cut, cheering on the U-Dub crew team--even though he doesn't know a cross oar propulsion stroke from a macon hatch double blade [Ed: I've got your cross oar propulsion stroke right here!]. All the while he will look upward toward the gray sky, knowing that God hates Seattle because, as a test market, we panned His favorite drink of all time, OK Cola, causing Coca-Coca to discontinue the product.