Stalk of the Town

It's Easter weekend, which brings back memories of being late for church and having to sit in the narthex, and dressing up. Also, ham. But most of all, easter egg hunts! What if there were a city-wide easter egg hunt! Wouldn't that be great? Probably not, but in this week's Stalk, Seattlest tells you where we'd hide the eggs if there were.

Holy bunny, writes Ronald. It's Easter? Sheesh, he just got done with Passover. Please tell him what to do with the leftover matzoh. Feed it to the bunnies? Better idea: feed it to the chickens. Seattle Tilth is giving a class in--get this--building chicken coops so we can keep our own chickens. Then Seth won't have to bug us about where to hide the eggs. Saturday 10 AM at Good Shepherd Center. Seriously. Expect a report back on this.

For Saturday pre-Easter activities, Courtney will be hiding easter eggs in all the holes in her backyard, so she can smash them to pieces when filling them with insanely heavy fence posts. On Sunday, she’ll ride one of her most favorite locations in Washington, Galbraith Mountain. With recent conditions, it is rumored to be a mud pit. There’s some dead guy she’s supposed to be thinking about that day, but she’s a heathen, always has been.

Don and his family will spend Sunday watching Mel Gibon's brutal The Passion of the Christ while eating colorful hard-boiled eggs and chocolate rabbits. He would hide eggs in Mel Gibson's Oscar.

The most exciting thing happening on Friday for Margaret is that she may go to bed early, because on Saturday she's competing at the Performing Arts Festival of the Eastside. Hopefully she'll win enough money to pay her pianist. When she gets back to Seattle, she'll be gallivanting about town with various out-of-towners and taking in a show. Sunday, she's planning on a couple of secular celebrations of Easter, hopefully with plenty of food. If she had one Easter Egg to hide, she'd hide it on top of this guy's head.

Michael vB is distraught that his plans to hillbilly it up at Deliverance tonight (Central Cinema) conflicts with the opening night of Innocence (NW Film Forum), introduced at 7pm by Greencine's Jonathan Marlow who thinks it's a "fucking great film." But fine, dammit. He'll just go Saturday. If there were no legal repercussions, he'd hide his egg near the sewing machine.

This weekend Donte is making up for missing out on the debauchery last weekend since his Mom was in town. He's debating Bashment tonight, but is more definite on double-booking the Jamie Lidell and John Beltran shows Saturday night. Sunday the only eggs he's going to be hiding are the scrambled ones on his plate (and they'll be hidden in his belly).

James is going to see Thank You for Smoking, finish When the Sacred Ginmill Closes and start the next Matthew Scudder novel, update and maybe even tinker with the layout of his blog devoted to words that aren't in the dictionary yet, and have crepes for breakfast on Sunday at Wedgwood's very tasty Cafe Javasti. He would hide his egg in Georgetown's new not-actually-red-light district so it would be 1000 feet from schools, day care centers, and libraries, and the new waste station will hide the odor when, undiscovered, it goes bad.

Matt won't do anything this weekend worth sharing with either of seattlest's readers and if he could get away with it he would hide his eggs by shoving them down the throat of little Audrey Hipstler.

Jack's hitting the grocery store tonight in hopes of avoiding all the crazed procrastinators, running each other over in their last-ditch preparation for Sunday's Easter dinner. Saturday, Jack will finally finish some stuff he's been working on for Seattlest, while hoping the others will forgive him for not posting shit this week. Sunday, he and his family will celebrate the resurrection of Christ by gorging themselves with food and liquor. Jesus liked liquor right? And if Jack could hide an Easter egg anywhere in the city? Right up Rev. Ken Hutcherson's ass. A really big one. Filled with fire ants. Right up there.

On this rainy, cold Easter weekend David S. will be closing his eyes and pretending he is in Chavez Ravine. He'll also probably go out, but really doesn't have any concrete plans. If he could he would hide eggs along Magnolia Bluff, because on a stormy weekend it is the most beautiful location in the city.

Isn't it Easter or something this weekend? Dan will be preparing the Easter Ham and serving it taco style this year. Maybe he'll also scratch some nonsensical posts (what a departure!) onto eggs and stash them at N 47° 39.661 W 122° 17.869 after imbibing the Easter Whiskey. He won't, actually, but you can go look for them anyway with your fancy technology.

This weekend Audrey will worship Jamie Lidell at Chop Suey, as well as the resurrection of her Lord and Savior at brunch. She would hide an Easter egg in some hipster's hair, because then it would never be found.

After roasting a couple of chickens on Friday night, Seth may attend the Bunny Bounce, an easter egg hunt for 1-8 year-olds, on Saturday. Because he likes kids. Not in that way. He doesn't know why he bought a white van without any windows. It made sense at the time. Saturday night, he'll listen to the most beautiful voice on television, and then maybe see Quasi at Neumos', though he hasn't liked their last few albums so much. Sunday, family time with Easter. Seth would also like to point out that, currently, the biggest problem in his life is that he can't find the power supply for his laptop. He's got it pretty good. He'd confidently hide an easter egg between Greg Nickels' second and third chins.