Gift Horse

Is Starbucks out to sabotage the American work ethic? So it would seem: they’ll be giving away coffee from 10 to noon tomorrow at more than 7,500 of its stores. Half a million 12-ounce Talls.

It would be churlish to point out that a Starbucks Tall is what others call a regular, or even a small. And it’s the brewed coffee; lattes, cappuccinos, Tazos and their ilk aren’t part of the freebie.

Which is just as well. In fact, it’s time to make a list of things you shouldn’t drink at Starbucks.

• The whole line of Frappuccino drinks: way too many calories from sugar and fat

• Chantico Chocolate Drinking Chocolate: icky, too sweet

• Any of those holiday drinks: eggnog is a drink of its own, not a flavor!

• Last month’s Cinnamon Swirl latte: muddy spice flavor

• This month’s Marble Mocha Macchiato: ugh! Like drinking a sticky Oreo

• The new Canned Iced Coffee: thin, watery and overly sweet (23 grams of sugar)

Time we recognized that Starbucks is no longer a coffee house but a candy company called, er, Brokebucks. And we don’t know how to quit you.