Seattlest Interviews Vern, film reviewer, political commentator, and ex-con

Your site is mostly about badass cinema (and politics, which I'll get to in later questions). Looking through the Badass 100 gives a good idea of what kind of movies you're talking about, but let me ask you straight up: what makes a movie badass?

To me Badass cinema usually means crime movies and action movies but it doesn't have to, it's not really about the genre but about the presence. There are people like Lee Marvin in POINT BLANK or Charles Bronson in just about anything or Terence Stamp in THE LIMEY... they just carry themselves like somebody you're not gonna fuck with. It's in their walk and their eyes and the things they say or don't say. It's more about that than anything else.

A Steve McQueen movie is usually badass but not always. To me THE GETAWAY is clearly badass to the gills but I don't think THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR is. In both movies he's robbing banks but in THOMAS CROWN he's just some rich dude telling other people what to do and then fuckin around on beaches. You gotta put some elbow grease into it to count as a badass.

In my opinion, this year's best Badass movie was MUNICH. I'm surprised to be saying that but it's true. It's all summed up in one little scene in that movie where Eric Bana and his team are walking down the street trying to look like some normal dudes carrying their groceries home or whatever, but you can see in their eyes that they are actually some cold-blooded motherfuckers up to no good. I'm a big Eric Bana fan since CHOPPER but I was even more impressed by Daniel Craig in his supporting badass role.

Are there movies that the uneducated viewer might think are badass, but actually aren't?

Well first I gotta say this is a subjective thing, I'm not gonna pretend to be the final word on this. But in my opinion, yes. When I was putting that list together there were things people were submitting that I just had to flat out reject because I thought their definition of the word was too broad. I don't want to single anybody out but the one I remember was somebody said MAN ON THE MOON, Andy Kaufman was a badass. I think the idea was that although he was a poor wrestler at best, he was a badass because he went out there courageously and took all this abuse and what not. But to me I'm saying okay, he's brave and heroic or whatever so give him a medal but that doesn't make him a badass by my definition.

Also if I remember right somebody suggested BACK TO THE FUTURE. I know, I don't get it either. The thing is, people who are fixated on movies from the '80s are not gonna understand this concept as much. Sure there are some Stallone and Schwarzenegger movies that are gonna make the list but to me the '70s and '60s were better for Badass cinema (and film in general, and music, and etc.)

How about vice versa -- films that don't seem badass, but actually are?

By my definition I would have to say no. Nobody is not gonna notice that Charles Bronson is a badass in THE MECHANIC. Clint Eastwood may be subtle in some ways but he's not subtle about being tough.

You're a popular contributer at fanboy central Ain't It Cool News. You're also a member of the comparatively highbrow Cinemarati. Do you feel more at home with one crowd or another? Do you feel like a bridge between two universes? Or is it just a reflection of the duality of man?

Yeah probaly the third one I bet, duality. Well, I don't know. Generally I think of myself as an outsider type of individual in everything I do. I don't feel like I fit into either one of those groups. The Cinemarati people are great and real nice to me and as far as I can tell forgiving of my complete lack of contribution. I feel kind of out of my league there though, I don't see alot of the same movies and I think I'm less serious than them about alot of things, including grammar.

Ain't It Cool people I think I relate to more but I would like to think I'm not the same as them. I don't worship children's comic books or cartoons, I don't wear a cape, etc. I hated Gladiator, I never read a Lord of the Rings, I'm not obsessed with Indiana Jones, I don't play video games, I don't hate Star Wars prequels. But we all share a deep love and passion for entertaining movies, for cursing and for Blade 2. And alot of their shit seems to be rubbing off on me because I keep enjoying Batman and X-Man movies and it's starting to get embarassing.

I really like scrapping it up with the newsies over there, it's the most fun for me to write on there and then see all the responses to it. There's not really another forum with that same kind of intensity. But to be frankly honest is was more fun a couple years ago when they all hated me and didn't think what I was writing even counted as a review. (I still get that occasionally.)

Do you consider yourself a film critic, a reviewer, a movie fan, or something else?

I don't know, I guess I think of myself as a reviewer who doesn't like reviews so he tries to figure out a different way to do it.

You've been described as "the new Joe Bob Briggs" by some guy on Ain't It Cool. Do you think that's a valid comparison? Who are your other influences as a film critic and writer?

I would have to say fellow Seattle resident Michael Medved. Did you know that the same year PULP FICTION came out he chose PRINCESS CARABOO starring Phoebe Cates as the year's best movie? I am trying to do that same kind of thing.

No, I don't know, Joe Bob Briggs isn't an influence on me at all, I've read him before and he used to host movies on cable in the '80s I think. I don't want to disparage the dude but I'm not really into his whole thing, listing how many boobies are in the movie and all that. I try not to follow some formula. (Not that I always succeed.) There are some other goofball reviewers like the gal in Premiere, but I don't think I'm really going for the same thing. I hate the standard formula for movie reviews but I'm not some joker, I'm genuinely trying to make some serious points.

I'm gonna have to think about this one, there's gotta be some influences but the only one coming to mind is Hunter S. Thompson. I feel like an asshole comparing myself to a guy that good. But maybe his approach has helped me figure out what I'm doing.

Like my grandparents, you're a huge fan of Clint Eastwood, Westerns, and guys who take the law into their own hands. Unlike my grandparents, you're pretty liberal, politically speaking. How'd you end up with such progressive political views?

I really don't know, I just hate The Man I guess. I don't know where these things come from. In the old days I used to look down on "fags" or "fairies" or whatever, then one day just out of the blue it occurred to me, why would I hate some guy just for having sex with another dude? What does that have to do with me? Who cares? You just figure these things out as you get older, or at least some people do.

How do your political views mesh with your cinematic tastes? Do you have to reconcile your liberal outlook with, say, DIRTY HARRY, which has frequently been called fascist?

You know, it happens, but not too often. DIRTY HARRY is such a good movie that I'm able to watch it and think well, I don't agree with how it portrays the world but I'm able to accept that this is the situation Harry is in and how he deals with it. But you're right, it does make me a little uncomfortable which is why I really appreciate the sequel MAGNUM FORCE where they turn the whole thing on its head. The opening credits have him delivering the "you feel lucky, punk?" monologue while pointing the gun *at the audience*, and it's real unnerving. Then the movie itself is about Harry having to stop a group of vigilante cops acting as a death squad. The whole thing seems to be questioning the values of the first movie, and one of the writers is John Milius, the right winger who did RED DAWN, so I've never been able to figure that one out.

But it's true, they talk about Hollywood being so liberal but Clint Eastwood and Bruce Willis are two of my favorites and they're both republicans. At least Clint was a republican when he was the mayor, I'm not sure what he says now. I guess I'm lucky they're not making political movies all the time, that might make it harder for me to get into them. On the flip side, I really appreciate a good genre movie with a left wing subtext. There aren't too many of them but there's the BILLY JACK movies, there's THEY LIVE, and there's the Verhoeven sci-fi trilogy of ROBOCOP, TOTAL RECALL and STARSHIP TROOPERS. I like that kind of stuff.

Do you like living in Seattle, with its generally progressive politics? Or is the town not as badass as you might prefer?

No, I like Seattle. I prefer urban but not a total hellhole. People in general seem a little less phoney than in some other cities, sometimes a little nicer.

You frequently comment about the national political scene. Do you have any opinions about local politics that you'd like to share?

Yeah, I'd like to say that Tim Eyman can shove his engraved fraternity watches up his ass and twist em. I think about that prick every time I miss the last bus from downtown or have to take two buses to get somewhere that's not that far out of the way. I think he ought to have to ride public transportation for a year before he even thinks about fleecing his idiot followers for another tax-cut scam.

I don't know if this is all Eastern Washington but I'm sick of these people who vote to cut every possible tax and then are surprised when the city's broke and they gotta close the library part of the year and shut down their precious soccer fields and shit. It's like, "I don't need rape counseling, why should I have to pay for that shit?" I mean come on. Do you want paved roads? Do you want streetlights? Do you want the junkies off your lawn? Then pay your fair share. I know you got more money than me anyway. I think maybe we're getting better about it though. Thank Christ we got the gas tax through, we woulda been riding horses pretty soon.

I'm still bummed about the monorail. We coulda used one of those. And it had kind of a poetic something or other to it the way it ties into our history with the World's Fair. At Disneyland the monorail is a ride, here it could've been how you get to work. We fuckin blew it.

Notice how we vote down the baseball stadium once, they build the stadium anyway. We vote for the monorail 4 times, they don't build the monorail. I love the Sonics but if they get a stadium too I hope they all trip on the Boom Squad and break their legs.

And finally I gotta say that the 25 foot smoking ban is bullshit. That's just asking for selective enforcement to harass clubs the cops don't like. But I know people who have been inspired to quit smoking so that's good.

Where do you like to do your movie watching in Seattle? Specific theaters or video stores that you like or avoid? Are you a NWFF member, do you do SIFF, etc. etc.?

Well, like anybody I try to see em at Cinerama when they're playing there. I was gonna quit when they got the digital projector but then they stopped using it so they must've noticed that it looked like a giant computer screen. Also Imax is good. But of course most movies aren't gonna play at either one of those so I usually see them at whichever of the downtown theaters they're showing. I don't really have that much of a preference - I like the presentation at the Loews/AMC theaters and I like the less ads at the Landmark theaters.

For videos I don't like Blockbuster and crap like that, I go to the independent stores. I'm not a Netflix type either because number one, I like to actually go in and pick up the movie I want that day, number two, I don't like people who call movies "flicks."

And memberships, no, but I usually go to a few SIFF movies. Usually not as many as I'd like to.

Are there specific non-badass genres, or non-badass films, that you're a fan of?

Yeah, I've been getting into horror movies somehow, and also the subgenre of absurdist slasher movies like JASON X and BRIDE OF CHUCKY. Also this might seem weird but I'm really into cinema verite or direct cinema type documentaries, especially the Maysles brothers.

Skander "voice of Pretty Persuasion" Halim wrote a screenplay based on your life. Any word on whether that'll be hitting the big screen one of these days? Who do you want to play you?

I don't think there's been any suckers yet. As far as I've heard everybody says they love the script, and also could never ever make it because it's so revolutionary that your face would melt if you watched it, or something like that. But Skander spent years getting PRETTY PERSUASION to dusty video store shelves around the world so I think he will keep fighting for as long as it takes. I never really took the whole thing seriously until I saw PRETTY PERSUASION. I was surprised because I genuinely liked it, although I did not review it due to ethics.

I go back and forth on who I want to play me. After I first saw MIAMI BLUES I decided Alec Baldwin was the guy. He can play tough guys like in GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS and the not-that-bad remake of THE GETAWAY, and also he's real funny if you ever see him host Saturday Night Live. And he's starting to look more worn out these days, which is good for this. But after I saw HULK I realized that Nick Nolte might be better. If you think about him in that movie and in his mugshot, he is a good choice.

Skander has a different idea, an actor I like alot. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say who even though he's probaly not interested. But we kind of compromised and agreed that if our top picks wouldn't fly we would try for DMX.

Do you have any filmmaking ambitions of your own, or is reviewing more your thing?

I don't think I would know how to make a movie. I want to write some books though. Maybe some day I could write the movie versions. Also I want to write unfaithful novelizations to bad movies and try to make them better.

What upcoming movies are you looking forward to? Snakes on a Plane is a given. What else?

Well on video obviously I'm looking forward to MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE, SHADOWS OF THE PAST, HARVESTER and PRINCE OF PISTOLS, all starring Steven Seagal. I'm real excited about BACKSTABBERS which is reuniting the writer, director and stars of WILD THINGS for another crazy suspense thriller. Alot of good directors have new ones this year - DePalma, Scorsese, David Fincher. And Clint's got the back-to-back World War 2 movies coming out, those could be good.

You've collected 87 of your reviews into a book that's available for purchase on your site. Two questions: why 87 and not, say, a nice round 100? And is it only available on your website, or can a guy get it at Elliott Bay or Cinema Books or somewhere else?

Well, I chose my favorite reviews at the time and when I counted it up there was 87. It's a print-on-demand thing and I didn't know if it would sell enough copies to justify paying for a bar code. So yeah, only on lulu.com. I thought about trying to work something out with Cinema Books, but that lady there is so nice, I wouldn't want her to get stuck with my book. Let's be honest, nobody knows who the fuck I am, I'm not sure they're gonna go in there and buy my book.

Maybe for my next one SEAGALOGY: THE ACTION FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL. I've been working on that one for years now so I would like to do something bigger with it if possible.

Vern's book, 5 on the Outside, is available for purchase through lulu.com. (Note: "I do not recommend my book to people who are idiots or jerks. Sorry, jerks.") Vern's website is available for free on the World Wide Web.