Starbucks Eats Hollywood

Obviously you know that Starbucks has been very very successfull at selling coffee. Someday, and you're going to hate this but that won't stop it, we're probably going to call any kind of espresso drink a "starbucks" like people from Georgia call any carbonated beverage a "coke." ("What kind of coke you want? We got Spriiite, root beer, diet, cherry ") They've pretty much got the espresso thing nailed down. Caribou, Dunkin Donuts, independant cafes everywhere: Close down now to spare us the pain of watching you be assimiliated.

Did you know that besides selling starbuckses, Starbucks also slings a few CDs? Yeah, we can't say that we've actually browsed their selection or anything, but it's our impression that they move quite a few Kenny G disks from their retail locations. Sometimes the Saxy One even releases a CD exclusively at Starbucks. You know that's a quality album when the only place you can legally get it is at a coffee franchise. "Can I get a skinny half-caff mochachino, a scone and sixty-seven minutes of audio cheese?"

Having coffee and easy listening firmly under their belt, Starbucks went blundering through the candy store and Hollywood caught its eye. They announced a partnership with Lion's Gate Entertainment this week to promote the movie "Akeelah and the Bee." Now, this sounds like a step back for Starbucks. Movie promotion? Like at Burger King? Are we going to be able to buy little plastic action figures or movie-branded digital watches along with our caffinated Happy Meals? Sure, we expect them to have exclusive distribution rights to a slew of movies very soon, but this seems like a pretty tiny first step. Also, the advertised plot of "Akeelah and the Bee" doesn't strike us as very plausible. It's the story of an innner-city LA kid making it to the national spelling bee. We just watched one of those bees on ESPN last week and we didn't see any kids who didn't look like they weren't home-schooled by two MFA parents. We're sure it's a heart-rending tale of overcoming the odds, though.