Oh Seattle, You're The Fittest

What a bunch of lard asses the rest of the county is, right? Did you travel for the holidays and have to sit next to that fat guy for four hours on the airplane, the whole time thinking "the fattest man on the face of the Earth has to be sitting in 21B", but then when you finally landed and got inside the airport there were blubbery people like him (or bigger!) everywhere? And did you fall to the ground and scream, "nooooooo" when you saw the Chantiko all over their lips or the chunks of greasy sausage and cigarette butts caught in their neck rolls? And when they came to assist you did they say, "Look at him - I think he needs a couple pizzas or something. The poor thing hasn't eaten. Quick, someone bring a couch and a television!" They couldn't even bend over to help you up because they were so fat and their arteries were so hard and packed with solids!

Yeah, us neither. We may have had a dream like that once, though.

Men's Fitness released thier fittest/fattest list today and you know we wouldn't be talking all this shit if Seattle didn't win the top slot. We're the fittest in the nation, apparently. More fit than Honolulu, more fit than Colorado Springs, more fit than San Francisco (2,3,4, repectively). The good folks at Men's Fitness were even so kind as to provide us with a handy little report card, which, despite our #1 status, really doesn't look that great. We should definitely consider some private tutoring in a few areas under "Urban Attributes."

Healthy Habits
Fitness Centers/Sporting Goods Stores A
Nutrition B
Exercise/Sports Participation A
Risk Factors
Alcohol C
TV Watching A
Overweight/Sedentary A
Junk Food C
Environment
Air B
Climate C
Geography A
Urban Attributes
Commute C
Parks/Open Space B+
Recreation Facilities C
Health Care C

Man, that's a lot of "C"s... The article says that 53% of us are still health risks because of being overweight, which, we guess kinda means that we're the fittest of the fattest. Still, check out the losers in Houston. Ha, ha, ha - They're fat.

Update: Whoa, whoa, whoa there Seattlest. We linked to last year's list accidentally. We were first last year. This year we're number eight. Eight! We got "F"s in alcohol and air. We'll take the alcohol one - If we're going to be fat we may as well be fat and drunk. But air?