Holy Shit Gifts
You put it off and put it off, choosing instead to enjoy the new season of Project Runway, and now you need some Christmas gifts and fast. We, at Seattlest, are here for you. Welcome to our first annual Holy Shit Gift Guide. Everything in the guide can be obtained in minutes:
Supermarket sweep: Regardless of the recipient there's something for everyone at Whole Foods. For your friend the gourmand: select a nice large bowl (they have a great selection in their home section) and fill it with gourmet goodies like unusual spices, sea salts, vinegars or sauces (it's easiest if you stick to a theme like "Indian"). For the new baby: pick
out a few Burt's Bees baby products and some toys and wrap it inside a bib. For the neat freak: fill a basket with Mrs. Meyer's cleaning products. For the host or hostess: pick up a bottle of wine or champagne along with a
selection of nice cheeses and crackers and wrap it up in a nice new kitchen towel. Whole Foods is open seven days a week 8am - 10pm.
Warehouse wonder: If you can stand the last-minute rush, head for Costco. You'll be able to get some unusual gifts like a pre-paid weekend for two at the Salish Lodge, a new Kitchen Aid mixer, smoked salmon and bouquets of flowers. They even sell the wrapping paper. Costco has nine locations in the area so check their website for hours of operation.
The gift of love: A gift certificate from New Seattle Massage. Your sweetie (or parent) can be deliciously manhandled by skilled professionals for a period of time from 30 minutes to 2 hours. (Sauna and steam room time is just $5 extra if you buy an hour or more -- go for it.) Massage types available include swedish, shiatsu, and deep
tissue.
The gift of lust: Galvanize your relationship with a different kind of therapeutic touch -- take that special someone to Deja Vu and spring for a few lap dances. They're just $20 a pop (or $40 for couples). You can even pass the experience off as "voter education," since that strip club initiative will be on the ballot next year. (Tip: a stripper's lap dance skills are directly proportional to her conversational skills.)
The gift of agape: Then make sure you stay out of hell. Spring for a Mercy Kit from MercyCorps. They've got a bunch of make-you-feel-virtuous selections, including the $20 Child Health Kit, the $210 Pakistan Shelter Kit, and the $1000 Well Kit. Give in honor of your giftee and their name might live on in local lore for generations to come: the lady (or dude) of the well. Viva Las Xmas!
Gameworks Gift Card: Some people think that Gameworks is lame, but they just don't get it. It's the closest thing to the old arcade experience. There's something almost primal about giving someone a beatdown in Tekken or Street Fighter, or even watching one occur. And then there's the calming effect of shooting zombies in house of the dead. The racing games can be fun for trash-talking too, and we've been told that Arctic Thunder, with its vibrating seat, provides a special kind of thrill for the ladies.
Chow Foods Gift Card: Sweet heavens, you can use these at any of the five Chow Foods locations. We still haven't completed our Chow Foods brunch tour, but we haven't been disappointed yet. Great food, great service, and restaurants
that each have their own personality would make this one well appreciated by anyone with a tounge.
Curling Membership: We went to the open house a few months back, and can't stop singing the praises of the pride of canadia. Sure it's a little cold and you feel a little silly, but we left feeling a new appreciation for the sport, and with a huge smile on our face. We've been waiting for the next round of open houses since we going to take a bunch of people with us. Hard! Hard!
(For all the free press we give them, the curling league should give Seattlest a free membership.)
It Ain't Over: Tickets to Seattle Opera's Die Fledermaus start at $43. It runs Jan.
14-28 and is holiday-flavored.
You can also just purchase a gift certificate.
