Hospital Shitting In Lake Union

Seattlest read the book "Zodiac" by sci-fi author Neil Stephenson recently. The story is a sort of eco-thriller about an activist/scientist/environmentalist- type who goes around finding and plugging little pipes that drain toxic materials into the bay in Boston. Intrigue ensues and it's a decent book which you should read. That's fiction, though, right? Well, we bring it up because it was reported today that Swedish Medical Center has been discharging sewage into Lake Union since 1998.

A hospital!?! Sewage!?! Lake Union!?! This is Seattle in the year 2005. We almost can't even believe this report.

Hospital officials said they are extremely concerned and hope to have the discharge stopped within the next couple of days.

"We are taking this very seriously and are working to correct the problem as quickly as possible," said Cal Knight, chief operating officer for Swedish Medical Center's First Hill campus. "We would never knowingly discharge sewage improperly, as health care providers we are concerned about public health and environmental health."

Fecal matter in the water is the biggest concern, but syringes were also found, SPU spokesman Andy Ryan said.

They're concerned are they? Like, "Oh, whoops, we've been wondering where those turds and syringes have been getting off to." According to Seattle Public Utilities they've been discharging sewage into the little cove near the Center For Wooden Boats. We know exactly where they're talking about - The little cove right by that tiny park on the Southwest corner of the lake where some of the bigger boats moor for the Wooden Boat Festival. Right were Vulcan Park will one day be. We've kayaked in there! People swim in the water right there! Not Seattlest, personally, but we always kind of dismissed people's warnings about swimming in Lake Union. "Please," we'd say, "this is modern America in an environmentally conscious city. The water's probably fine." Well, the water isn't fine and we'd like a lot more explanation from Swedish.

From here forward every time we take our kayak out on Lake Union we'll half-expect to see our paddle blade emerge from the water covered in human feces with syringes sticking out of it. Thanks Swedish. We feel sick right now and are going to bathe in bleach.