Seattlest Q&A: The Smoking Ban
Q: When does the smoking ban start?
A: One week from today--Thursday, December 8th. Therefore, this upcoming weekend is the last weekend you can light up in bars. Buy a carton and smoke yourself hoarse--you can tell your perfect, full-lung-capacity-having grandkids about it.
Q: What should I do if I witness someone smoking in a bar on or after December 8th?
A: According to the Smoke Free Coalition of Seattle/King County, you should "send an e-mail to smoking.concern@metrokc.gov." According to us, you should shake that person's hand and congratulate them for being a True American uncowed by the hysterical, neo-fascist, health-obsessed lefties who want the world to adopt their non-smoking, pilates-doing, organic fruit-eating ways. Then you should light your own cigarette in defiance of an unjust law.
Q: Ok, so say I'm a smoker but, unlike former Baywatch star Alexandra Paul, I don't have the guts for civil disobedience. I can just go outside and smoke, right?
A: Not so fast, Marlboro Man. Under the new law, smoking is banned "within 25 feet of entrances, exits, opening windows and ventilation intakes" of any public building. Upon egress from your tavern of choice you'll have to count off at least a score of paces, and light up there.
Q: What if, after walking 25 feet, I'm next to another door or window of a public building?
A: Then you'd better follow the advice of Deep Purple and "Walk On." Thanks to the Nazis-in-training that evidently comprise this state's electorate, you are going to be getting a lot more of the exercise they love so much.
Q: What if I fancy a fag?
A: You're in the clear, because you are either in England, where smoking in bars hasn't been outlawed (yet), or you are gay, which also hasn't been outlawed (yet).
Q: Is there an apt quote that would sum up our feelings about watching our rights taken from us?
A: Yes, courtesy of Benjamin Franklin: "Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both."
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