Remember to Honk When You Drive By... Hey! Where's Fonk!?!

Last week while driving down Stone Way, hand poised over horn, we were surprised and somewhat dismayed to see that Vern Fonk Insurance had closed shop. However, a quick check at the Fonk site indicated that the office had only moved to a newlocation. As a result, because of Fonk's horn-blowing slogan, we imagine their old neighbors are relieved to have them gone, just as their new neighbors are probably preparing a lawsuit.

In any case, we were amused that the site also had an archive of their TV ads -- you know, the ones airing late at night, with the Anton LaVey-lookalike clowning around, spoofing pop culture, and being a public nuisance.

The wacky pitchman isn't Fonk himself, but Rob Thielke, an insurance agent at one of Fonk's14 Northwest offices. The family-owned business mainly sells car insurance to folks with too many moving violations, crashes, and/or DWIs. Perhaps Thielke targets this demographic when writing his demented 30-second satires of The Sopranos, Eminem, The Blair Witch Project, Subway's Jared and so forth.

Unfortunately, our two favorite spots aren't archived. The runner-up is a goof on the old Sleep Country USA ads: the bald, goateed, hairy-chested Thielke appears in drag, luxuriating on a bed á la "Mattress Queen" Sunny Kobe Cook. And, in his pièce de resistance, Thielke simultaneously plays the "differently abled" protagonists of Rain Man, Sling Blade, and Forrest Gump . This classic spot harks back to the old SNL skits, in which Tonto, Tarzan and Frankenstein mumble out such tunes as "We Are World."

The current ad is a relatively uninspired send-up of a certain anti-depressant, but not to worry -- Thielke and Fonk seem to have a new one every month or so, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, remember to honk when -- well, you know the rest.