Dissecting Grey's Anatomy: Dude Looks Like A Lady Edition

So what patient could possibly be so great, such an anomaly, so distractingly wanted, that the girls forwent a chance at surgery to tend to him? Hmm...what could it be, what could it be? Oh, that's right. It's what they've been promoting in every single on-air tease that's been running throughout the week. It's a pregnant dude. That's right. We said dude. And he looks pretty far along.

Oh yeah, did we mention Cristina stole the patient from psych? Cause she did. They thought any man claiming to be pregnant would have to be a nutjob. And then she steals the preggers' guy's charts. Neither of which puts her into the good graces of a certain nurse, who proceeds to page her all day with minute, inconsequential, demeaning “emergencies.” Never piss of the nurses. Anyway, while Nazi battles it out with the surgeons over who gets to treat the patient, a pregnancy test tells them all they need to know: he's gonna be a daddy! And, um, a mommy. We're not exactly sure how that works.

Lights, cameras, action! The press has converged on the man's hospital bed, photographing his every move. The interns even weasel their ways into a few commemorative shots. But Mrs. McDreamy ruins their fun by claiming he's not pregnant. Let the tests begin. Turns out he's just got a very rare (ya think?) disease wherein a mass of cells that's always been in his body has started to grow. As in, grow fingernails. And jawbones. Off to the O.R. But not before Meredith explodes at everyone. They can laugh at her and embarrass her, but not this patient. They should be ashamed of themselves! Who's the rare panda now, eh, Georgie? Grey disposes of the mass during surgery to ensure no more photos would be taken and the man ends up alright.

George, meanwhile, has been paired up with Burke for the woman's heart case. She's already had several open heart surgeries and is back again. Problem is, she continually gripes and berates her doting husband in front of everyone. George wonders why anyone would stay with someone who makes them so unhappy. You know, like the opposite of Burke and Cristina. Um, wrong thing to say George. Cause Burke? He didn't know that he knew. And know he knows that he knows. And now we know too. Know what we mean? Yeah. Awkward. Burke then confronts Cristina about it and tells her he wants to let the Chief in on the increasingly non-secret secret. Cristina refuses, saying it'll undermine her professionalism and that she doesn't want to be Meredith Grey. Ouch. Harsh words. Too bad Meredith wasn't around to hear them, cause that fall-out would make for some good TV. Anyway, Burke takes the news the wrong way, says she doesn't want to tell the Chief cause she doesn't want to admit they're in a relationship. She denies it. He bulldozes ahead and tells the Chief anyway. Webber is happy that he came to him cause it shows he cares about his job and the relationship. And that he's not McDreamy. Wow. And the hits just keep on coming.

Meanwhile, the heart patient's husband has had enough, explodes at his wife to just shut up for once and takes off. No, really. During the woman's heart surgery, her heart, and how's this for metaphorical, catches fire. Her heart is on fire. Her heart is on fire? Her heart is on fire! How does that even happen? Did a stray torch find its way into the O.R.? No matter, surgery continues on and she'll make a full recovery. Which doesn't make the hubby too happy. He says if she can catch on fire and still survive, then she can survive without him. And he takes off, leaving Burke and George with her suitcase. And, you know, the burden of telling their recovering patient that her husband has left her. Which causes the men to dissolve into giggles. George misreads the situation as one where he can apologize for his comment about Cristina, and inappropriately puts his hand on Burke's shoulder. Well, like lady love Cristina and all alpha males before him, Burke does not like to be touched. So he walks away. But not before telling George he's still his guy. Aww. Ain't man love sweet?

The tardy Alex is stuck with an SCCC-bound Asian chick with way overprotective parents. McDreamy orders him to wheel the gal around with him all day to give her a sense of independence. She needs surgery, her parents don't want her to have it. And a day with Alex apparently gives her the courage she needs to stand up to them and say she's gonna get it. Of course, this is Alex we're talking about, so the days exchanges were not without some flirty barbs. And the girl calling Alex an ass (after our own heart, for sure). And a request to Alex to be the girl's first kiss. He says you don't want to cheat yourself out of the specialness of what a first kiss means, and when it happens, it'll be great.

Well, seems like someone was just building himself up for a long-overdue first kiss of his own, cause he heads down to Joe's bar (Joe!) and plants a very dramatic, head-dipping, heart-stopping, wet one on Izzy in front of the whole crew. And then he says good night and takes off. A true Casanova. And a smile from Izzy.

Oh, McDreamy. If only a kiss could solve your problems. Alas, the hair that rocks Seattle has started going to couples therapy with the missus. She asks him to stop speaking to Meredith. He says he can't. That even if he would, he couldn't: they work together, after all. And then Mrs. McDreamy insults Seattlites everywhere, by claiming Manhattan was far superior to our port town and, adding further insult to injury, saying McDreamy had turned into a flannel-wearing, wood-shopping, fisherman. Now, we would argue with this, but...ferry boats, people. And mocha lattes. He's not one of us anyway. But just so our offense is officially on the record: How dare she!

He spends the day not talking to Meredith, just like he spends the day not touching Addison. They go to lunch ON LOCATION. That's right, folks, they're at...some random pier downtown! Hey, it's progress. They continue to talk about not talking to a certain person whom unwittingly became a homewrecker and McDreamy simply declares that they're at an impasse. But not for long. At their next session, missus says she's moving to Seattle (after a pep talk from the Chief), McDreamy says the Meredith situation is “taken care of” (probably cause she refuses talk to him) and McDreamy almost holds his wife's hand. But then he pulls away. Yeah. This marriage is gonna last.

Meredith closes off the episode with more wise words on communication. How there are somethings you don't wanna hear, somethings you can't hold in any longer, somethings you need to keep to yourself, and somethings that just speak for themselves. And yes, we're looking at you, kiss between Alex and Izzy. We're looking at you.