Insert Name Here for Instant NFL Story

'76-82 seahawks.jpgThe game isn't good enough anymore. It's not good enough that on Sunday, in Maryland, 90 of the best athletes on the planet, guys who were the best player in the history of their high school, guys who if you tried to tackle them would run through you like you were a notion, guys who can run faster and jump higher and lift more than anyone you've ever known, will recklessly bash into each other in order to win a football game.

This athletic contest is of little interest, if the sports section is any guide.

No, there has to be a "story" to the game. For every single game in the NFL this season, the local media must manufacture a story that supposedly makes it interesting. Last week, the story was former Seahawk Chike Okeafor returning to Seattle with his new team, the Arizona Cardinals. This week, the story is former Seahawk Shawn Springs staying in D.C. as the Seahawks travel there.

Imagine! Just imagine the drama (if you can without exploding) when a player from one team plays against the team that he used to play for! Last year, they were teammates--now, MORTAL ENEMIES!!!! Oh but that Shakespeare could revivify to document it.

So, in the Seattle Times this morning--there are two--two!--stories covering this impending moment of history from every possible angle.

Spare us. The Iliad has been told fewer times than the "player to meet his former team" story.

Coverage of the actual game in newspapers has gone to hell. In the 80s, you got a huge insert in the Sunday paper, with expanded rosters of each team and a spiffy diagrammed depth chart. Now, you get a poor attempt at dramatic literature from men (and there is no better type) who wouldn't know Oedipus from Octopussy.

Does there have to be a story? It's an NFL game. It's going to be pretty awesome.

If you must have a story, here is the real one--and it's actually football-related, not a tired trope. It's this: the Redskins have one hell of a defense. They've given up only two touchdowns all year--one on a 70-yard trick play. Is the Hawks offense is good enough to carry the team to the playoffs? Watch Sunday and you'll find out.

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I will arise with the rosy fingers of dawn, eagerly awaiting this conflict among men. Oh that their armor will clatter upon them when they run onto the battlefield. Sorry, college flashbacks. The Illiad kind, not the football kind.

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