Local Jackass Pranks Co-Workers

A local jackass who will remain nameless pranked his co-workers at a local publishing corporation last Friday in a manner that totally failed to eclipse another miserable anniversary much less the miserable news of more recent misery. Said prank consisted of the unsolicited gift of individually wrapped chocolate treats, which, unbeknownst to the jackass' co-workers/victims, had actually been scavenged from a dumpster the night before. The jackass in question had attended one dumpster-diving tour of Seattle hosted by local bicycle enthusiast group Point 83. After the defiled treats had been ingested by the aforementioned co-workers, the prankster then released an email to his victims bearing a link to a page detailing photographic evidence of the nasty and disgusting source of the aforementioned chocolate.

Seattlest often wonders if there is a Hell and, if so, could there possibly also exist (fingers crossed!) a specially designed deeper circle of Hell, and, should this be the case, if said ring of fire might also include the strapping of one's bicycle enthusiast ass to the hood of a more convenient mode of fuel burning parked with the engine running on eastbound 520 at rush hour. Let us pray...

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By Matt Silvie in News on September 13, 2005 11:04 AM

Comments [rss]

Jesse

I concur with Erica.

Erica

Actually, guess what? The chocolate dumpster is extremely hygienic, insofar as it contains paper, plastic bags, and leftover WRAPPED chocolate. There's nothing freaking WRONG with it except it fell out of a box, or they made too many chocolates that day, or something. It's not covered in vomit, dirt, bacteria, or the remnants of rotting sandwiches. What do you think he did, spit in each one and wrapped it back up?

Having consumed several pounds of this chocolate over the past year with no ill effects whatsoever, I'm asking you not to wreak vengeance on this person. If you don't like dumpstered food, ask first.

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Seth

Perhaps, as penance, the jackass would submit to being punched for charity. Each punch would cost $5, with proceeds going to benefit victims of that horrible act of God, the Bush administration.