Passionless Fruit
The key play in Sunday’s loss to the Angels typified how bland and passionless the 2005 Mariners are.
In the eighth inning, Richie Sexson stood on third base as the tying run. The batter, Yuniesky Betancourt, lined a one-hopper to the left of Angels third baseman Chone Figgins. Figgins dove, speared the ball, rose quickly to his feet and fired a throw home. Catcher Bengie Molina reached for Figgins’ slightly high throw just as Sexson approached.
So here’s a snapshot in time: Richie Sexson, 6’8” of pure farm-bred Washington stock, running full-speed at Bengie Molina, a 5’11” catcher with a history of leg problems. In the inevitable collision, Sexson will score if Molina drops the ball.
Advantage Mariners, right? One can see the plot unfolding: Ball meets Molina, Molina meets Sexson, ball meets ground, Sexson meets home plate. Right?
But Sexson, executing his own misguided and equally ineffective version of the Von Schlieffen Plan, tries to maneuver his nearly seven-foot frame around Molina.
Trying to sneak your 80-inch body around a major league catcher is like trying to sneak an inaccurate budget projection past Paul Krugman. Fat chance, neo-con chump.
So Molina, who after seeing Sexson slide must have been the most grateful Latino man since someone asked Enrique Iglesias “hey, would you like to meet this tennis player chick?,” tags Sexson out easily. Replays showed that Sexson may have gotten a foot on home plate before the tag, but no umpire will give you that call.
A collision would surely have jarred the ball loose and scored a run for the Mariners. Instead, Sexson avoided contact. The next “hitter,” Scott Spiezio, further lowered his average to an incredible .044, popping out on the first pitch. The fans, appropriately disgusted, launched into the longest and loudest boos the Mariners have heard this season.
Tonight the Royals come to town, riding a 15-game losing streak. A loss tonight would give them the longest losing streak since the 1988 Orioles. Phenom Felix Hernandez starts for the M’s.
