Dissecting Grey's Anatomy: Finale Mega-Edition

Cristina is still on the abortion track, and spends a good portion of her anytime minutes confirming her appointment time. She has words with Burke about whether or not she should be tested for the syph, and he assures her he's been monogamous. As does she him. Or her he. Or whatever. She and Izzy team up on an alcoholic patient with a distended abdomen, which they are forced to drain. The textbook procedure goes slightly awry at first and the man ends up dying. So yeah, just slightly awry. The gals weren't the problem, though, and decide--against hospital and family wishes--to go all 007 on his ass and conduct an unauthorized autopsy. Only neither has done the procedure before. No probs, they just tote along their textbook. Could that hefty tome be the seminal medical journal Gray's Anatomy? Awww…guess not. Apparently they're not that cutesy on this show. And oops again--the Nazi walks in on the invasion of the body snatchers and yells at them for awhile until she realizes they did the right thing. Okay, maybe they are that cutesy on this show. So they go to the family and to avoid a lawsuit, rattle about how it was a genetic thing, not his drinking, and that they may have saved his daughter's life. All's well that ends well, right?

Well, not quite.

Burke has to tell his best friend--his male best friend--that not only does he have an ovary, but due to a massive blockage, he's also been sterile his whole life. Wha? Then who impregnated his wife? Oh….He confronts his friend's wife and then tells his buddy the bad news.

And the Chief? The one we haven't seen since, oh, say, the first episode? He's back. And he's got a tumor pressing on his optical nerve. Could go blind. No fear and whatnot as Dr. McDreamy is on the case. He gathers a team for his super secret silent sunset surgery and works his magic on the bossman. The good news: the Chief wakes up and can still see. The bad news: the first thing he sees is McDreamy macking on Meredith. He comes to and scolds the young intern for her poor, poor choices in matters of the heart. As will we. Now.

Ah, Meredith. Stupid, naïve, annoyingly cute Meredith. She starts off the ep with some secret phone calls of her own, mirrored by hot doc McDreamy's own clandestine rings. Turns out Meredith's calls were from her mother's nursing home. Meredith hasn't gone to any family functions and her presence is requested. She ends up not going (due to said super secret silent sunset surgery) and feels horrible when she finds out her Alzheimer's stricken mother not only remembered her but has been asking to see her all day. Ouch. And it turns out McDreamy's calls were from---ha! Tricked you! You thought we were going to tell you now? You'll have to wait a bit longer for that info. Or, you know, just skim down to the next paragraph. The good doctors have their own bumbling "should I get tested" talk and once it's determined that they're a walking condom ad, everything's cool. And Meredith finally confides in her sorta-beau that her mother isn't traveling or writing a book and is actually in a nursing home. And they cuddle. Bonding, people, get used to it. Or actually, maybe not.

Here it is, folks. This is what we've been waiting for. But in all fairness to the promo people, it's not quite the last five minutes you need to hear about. More like the last twenty seconds. End of the day. McDreamy and Meredith are about to head out and enjoy some fine wine and, presumably, ferryboats, when a woman saunters into the hospital lounge. McDreamy turns to Meredith and tells her how sorry he is. Before Meredith--and the collective home audience--can muster a "WTF" the woman comes over and introduces herself as Mrs. Shepherd. As in…you guessed it. But just in case you didn't, she then turns to Meredith and says, "And you must be the woman who's screwing my husband." Boo-yah! Mull over that one for the next three months, kiddos. 'Til next season!