The Mariners Suck
We have been holding back an official Seattlest pronouncement, but now it must be said: the Mariners suck.
Their hitters suck, their starting pitchers suck, their commercials suck.
The only part of the team that has not sucked is the bullpen. Therefore, the Mariners are wisely trying to distribute non-sucking relief pitchers to other parts of the team. Tonight poker-faced reliever Julio Mateo (pictured) will start against the Yankees.
If Mateo successfully imports his competence to the starting rotation, look for the M's to expand this strategy, perhaps by putting Shigetoshi Hasegawa at first base.
The team's other strategy is to try to infect the city with a case of Sonics fever. Their main tactic: a "Go Sonics" banner on the team home page. Besides the owners of the Queen Anne Dick's, no one stands to gain more from a captivating Sonic playoff run than the Mariners. It would draw the attentions of local sports fans and sports writers away from the Mariners' suckiness.
However, we at Seattlest will not succumb to Sonics playoff fever, not now, when it seems more likely to be a 48-hour virus. The Mariners will stay in our sights, no matter how ugly this season gets.
