Urban Outraged

Another day, another new contributor. Today's the day that Kim Rollins (not pictured) starts rolling with the Seattlest crew and we're happy to have her even if she's iffy on whether she hearts us back. We're sure you'll love her. Here she is, the glamorous Kim Rollins!

When Urban Outfitters appeared in Broadway Market in the early nineties, we were initially tickled: it offered us the broken-in, effortless clothes that we'd previously procured at thrift stores, yet lacked the pervasive odors of mothballs, ancient perspiration, and human wretchedness that permeate Value Village, Goodwill, et al. Sure, UO's prices were immoderate, but there were occasional in-store premiums such as the Suburban Sampler (a free CD that gave us a taste of the then-current Sub Pop catalog) -- surely with such indie cred we were supporting a local boutique, right?

A glance at the receipt for our overdyed camisoles and waffle-weave thermal shirts revealed the horrible truth, for printed across the top was URBAN OUTFITTERS #52. Fifty-two! Some faceless corporation was tapping into the élan of Seattle and selling it back to us at a premium. Noses slightly out of joint but still taken by their wearability and convenience, we continued to patronize UO, and browsed its elder-sister store Anthropologie (although, truth be told, we set foot in Anthropologie largely out of morbid curiosity, for its stock struck us, by and large, as pieces that only Björk could love.) UO's grunge esthetic has given way over the past decade to seventies retro, which in turn gave way to...

We're still uncertain how to characterize the current racks at UO. Much of it is unsightly. Some of it is unsightly in an all-the-rage manner, such as those satin-and-lace strappy tops that look like Granny's dainties (even Old Navy has their version), or those elasticized-bosom smocks that would hide a pregnancy well into the third trimester (Exhibit B, from which you may have to avert your eyes.) But much of it is unsightly in a uniquely horrifying way that is utterly inexplicable. Goo d god in heaven, why? Isn 't sweater torture like this against the Geneva Convention?

We refuse to believe that our befuddlement, our flabbergastednesss at Urban Outfitters' current offerings is a sign of our impending old age. We have yet to begin a sentence with the death-knell phrase "Kids today." Rather, we don't see the kids today wearing this garbage either, whether they're on or off our lawns. Stock turnover is strikingly high, with a lot of this fetid garbage going upstairs to the bedraggled Clearance rack in a manner of weeks; witness (or you may prefer not to) this $6. 99 bastardized shawl whatever, originally $38. What doth profit a store to churn out reams of get-ups in which no one would be caught dead?

Whatever tatters of UO's above-mentioned indie cred remained were blown away entirely when AlterNet revealed last year that the store's cofounder and president has been kicking cash towards Dan Savage's favorite senator, Rick Santorum. That, if nothing else, ought to stop you from shelling out real American dollars for a cap-sleeved shirt featuring a gravestone and a giraffe splattered in gull excrement.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@seattlest.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Kim Rollins in Arts & Events on March 10, 2005 1:27 PM

Comments [rss]

ijkrefs

I work at the Anthropologie in Houston. I must admit it is a vile place of employment, well Urban Outfitters the company is in fact vile. Their clothes are not exceptionally crafted, but good enough if they were at Gap prices, which they are not, they are higher. We have a new manager he is one of those older gay men that leer at younger men. On top of this he is quite overweight, but all of his fat lies in his belly. His mode of dress is absolutely unacceptable for the store manager - Urban Outfitters ragged designer jeans and small cardigans and low-cut shirts that accentuate his stomach which literally almost hangs out. He literally resembles a 'wino' or hobo dressed in hip street wear. It is ridiculous and certainly does not command attention or respect as a manager. I find him repulsive and his moments of leering at me from across the room are disgusting . If he were 'hot' this would be totally different situation. In other words - if you are not in shape and fit, don't wear clothes like that. On top of this, the amount of theft that occurs (of minor items) by management is well actually funny considering it has been done right in front of me. And of course I am not gonna report it, I wanna keep my job. Who cares anyways. I have only seen one major theft occur and I will never say it, unless of course I was given some form of compensation. The store theft deterrent is about %50 effective. You can put small items in the bottoms of your shoes/stockings and in certain areas of your purse. Management in no way does a thorough search, it is just too time-consuming. One of the funniest moments that has occurred is when one of the managers was putting a 'damaged' house ware out next to the dumpster for "the Mexicans to pick up." (We can sneak out there later to snatch it up)I am so considering submitting an article to an online paper concerning this and a few other incidents.

Sten55697

My life's been basically bland today. More or less nothing seems worth thinking about. My mind is like an empty room. I've more or less been doing nothing to speak of. Not much on my mind recently.

Sarah

I go to the Urban Outfitters in Irvine, CA pretty often & I agree that their clothing can be overpriced.

But to write such a scathing review of the store seems a bit ridiculous. Their clothes are cute and well made. And the links you used are mostly exceptions. Theyre links to discontinued products that are not in stores.

So basically, this is crap.

liz

That's funny. Store 52 is in Houston.

WJ

Well, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed that EW ever thought that the ultra-U-Village QFC recently bought out the UO's former neighbor and classic white-trash-in-the-city-staple Fred Meyers.

Fred Meyer (the corporation) bought QFC (the corporation) in 1998.

Did you notice this was posted in Style, not Business? Why can't you just be amused by this lovely little rant?

Serena

I didn't know that Urban Outfitters was a chain. I never heard of them before I moved to Seattle.

Kim Rollins

General response to anyone assuming that this reporter is a blithering idiot for not recognizing an obvious chain store before making her purchase: UO didn't (when the B'way store opened) advertise on television, as do Gap, etc. -- nor do they yet. At the time, B'way Market was years away from transmogrifying into a massive QFC and was still composed almost entirely of small, independent businesses -- Rockin' Betty's, City Hair, that little handmade soap shop, that little cobbler, the very non-Blockbuster video store where we could never find anything because it's all non-intuitively categorized ("Women Directors," "Filmed in Seattle"), etc. UO also cultivates a faux-avant-garde interior, with minimal signage and unsophisticated displays. We were not tipped off by the fact that other UOs were extant in the early 90s because, well, none of those were in Washington and we generally don't cross state lines to buy ugly t-shirts. Continue mocking our naivete if you must, but we find our credulous innocence part of our charm.

Your target demographic

Yay! More Kim Rollins, please!

Beth

Ok, never mind, a quick peruse of Wikipedia and I'm well on my way to Santorum-enlightenment!

Beth

So what is the deal with Rick Santorum? That website you link to is entirely entertaining, but not very enlightening. I'd never even heard of him before, and now it seems I'm missing out on something big! Please enlighten.

ikearulez

Just so you aren't shocked when you eventually find out (I'm assuming in like 2014), Target is a chain, Gap is a chain, oh and so is Ikea.

EW

Well, I have to say I'm pretty disappointed that anybody at Seattlest ever thought that UO--the acronym friendly world of the 21st being a whole 'nother sbject--was anything other than a glorified Gap, rhymes with crap, pretending, like that Clear Channel I've-got-my-eleven-declrations-of-2400-stations-but-oh-I'm-still-dj-no-name-original-marketing-venus-fly-trap, it had any sort of "cred." UO is when C-Hill jumped the shark, solidified by the ultra-U-Village QFC that recently bought out the UO's former neighbor and classic white-trash-in-the-city-staple Fred Meyers.

Joe Stump

While I largely agree with you that the current offerings at UO pretty much sucks and is overpriced you should check out some of the great tshirts online:

http://www.t-shirtsthatsuck.com/

There are others as well out there offering great gear for the tshirt and jeans crowd. As for jeans ... well, I'm extremely tall so I'll buy jeans from anywhere as long as they fit and are comfortable (price is no obstacle when you're 6'5'' and have a 36 inch inseam).

How could it NOT be known that UO was a chain? We've had one in Ann Arbor for ages ...